I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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