I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
