it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
