I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
