You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't put those talents on a resume
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
