Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
