i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
