so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
