Your tits are I can't wait for
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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