And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
