i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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