i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
