She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
