i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
