New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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