I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
