In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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