Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
