I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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