Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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