But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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