your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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