On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
