I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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