i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
