She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
