i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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