That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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