Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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