Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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