Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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