Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
