I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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