Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
