gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
