Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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