she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
