get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
