the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
