don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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