I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
