We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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