I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
