Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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