lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
