the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
