Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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