My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
