so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
