she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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