so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
