Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
