Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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