I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
